A Story
This story is still a working progress. Read, and let me know what you think. Suggestions are most welcome.
The bus stop was just as she remembered it, falling to pieces and empty. Tugging her four-year old Anita in one hand while juggling her luggage in the other, Jillian made her way out of the crowded bus. The bus sped away as soon as she and Anita were safely outside, as if the place would infect the travellers on the bus with some worrisome disease if it stayed long enough.
Jillian had no phone and no way to contact anyone to come pick her up at the bus stop. So she began walking to the nearest motel she could find. Not that if she had a phone with her someone would come along if she called them.
It had been five years since Jillian was back in Mermaid Creek. She had left it as a heartbroken child promising to never look back as she left.
“Mommy, my legs hurt,” said Anita as she wriggled her little hand out of Jillian’s bigger one and stopped in the middle of the road.
Jillian put down her luggage, turned around and sat down on her knees. Her jeans would get horribly dusty and she had just one more pair, but she decided she would manage somehow.
“I know, darling. But we just have to walk a little more. If mommy didn’t have all these bags, I would have carried you. Come on, you are a sweet girl, aren’t you? Mommy will buy you an ice cream when we get there, deal?”
Anita pouted her lips, crossed her arms and looked down, “Why can’t I stay here? You go find the place, and then you can come back and carry me there.”
Jillian chuckled, “Oh honey, what if someone came and took you away? You know I won’t leave you on the road alone. Come along now.”
Jillian got up, took the luggage in one hand and walked forward, holding out her free hand as if an invitation for Anita to join. Anita ran up to her and took her hand.
“It’s not because I’m scared. I just didn’t want you to go alone.”
Jillian smiled and they kept walking.
After ten minutes of walking, Jillian saw what she expected to see, The Mermaid Creek Motel. It looked different, though; more modern and clean. Looks like someone decided to clean this place up, thought Jillian to herself.
She walked over to the reception desk and rang the bell. It took five whole minutes for someone to come to the desk.
“What can I get you today?” asked the scrawny teenage boy chewing incessantly on his chewing gum.
“A single room, please?”
“Alrighty...Here you go, room 227 on the second floor, second room on the right. Lunch, dinner and breakfast will be down here. There ain’t no room service in this here place. So come get your food when you want it. Oh and the water might be cold. Nothing much we can do about that either.”
Jillian smiled, “Could I get some help with the luggage?”
“Lady, do you see anyone else around? I got work to do.”
Jillian frowned. She handed the key and took the luggage.
“You heard the boy,” she said to Anita, “lead the way.”
As Anita and Jillian struggled up the stairs with the luggage, Jillian noticed that the boy’s eyes lingered on her a little longer than it should have. Making a note to herself to keep all doors locked at all times, she diverted her attention to Anita.
Once they got to the room, Jillian noticed that it was bright lit and neat, a complete contrast to what the place was like when she was here one night five years ago.
“Anita, go to bed. Mommy will put everything in place and come, ok?”
“Ok, mommy, good night.”
As Anita crawled under the sheets, Jillian began unpacking her two bags. There wasn’t much in the trunk, a few of her own clothes and a whole lot of Anita’s. She took the one luxury she had allowed herself for the past five years, her music player. Putting it on shuffle, she put on the headphones.
“I have to say, I never expected you to come to my party,” he said as he moved closer to Jillian.
Jillian noticed his blue eyes swimming in intrigue, and she took a few steps backward.
“Well, I had to see what all the fuss was about.”
“Wouldn’t your parents tell you off for coming to my place?”
“What has happened between them and your parents is none of our concern.”
He was still smiling. Jillian wondered why he was hanging around her and not around the other girls who were waiting to talk to him.
“So are you enjoying yourself?”
“I’ve had better times,” said Jillian and turned on her heels to get another glass of punch.
“NO,” screamed Anita startling Jillian and causing her to drop the jeans she had in her hands. Figuring she could finish the rest of the unpacking after some rest, she crawled in beside Anita and hugged her, comforting her, whispering in her ear “I’m here,” the same way he had done for her all those years ago.
Anita was up early the next day. She woke up Jillian and Jillian found herself hurrying to get ready. She got Anita to take a bath while she got her clothes ironed.
“Where are we going this early, mommy?” asked Anita as she struggled to get her t-shirt on. Jillian moved over to her and helped her out.
“We’re going to see your grandparents. My mom and dad. So you can say hi.”
“Why did we wait till now to see them? Alexis from my class goes to see her grandma every week. And her grandma makes her cookies. She brought some to class the other day. It was very tasty. Will my grandma make me cookies?”
Jillian smiled, “your grandma has never been too good in the kitchen. We’ll ask her though.” We have to see if she’ll see us first, thought Jillian silently to herself.
After applying another coating of powder to conceal the dark circles under eyes, Jillian grabbed the key; made sure everything was locked up safe and moved to the dining room with Anita.
“I better not eat much. Grandmas and grandpas make kids eat a lot. So I should save space for what they give me.”
“No, honey. I haven’t told them we’re coming. So eat. If they give you something, and you’re not up to it, just tell them. They’ll understand.” Like you always wished they would? Asked Jillian to under her breath.
After breakfast, Jillian asked the receptionist to call them a cab. When it became clear that no cab would be available, Jillian and Anita started walking in the direction of Jillian’s childhood.
“I do not want you seeing him again,” bellowed her father. His eyes were burning with something more than hatred; fear.
“Why, daddy? He didn’t do anything to me or you,” Jillian said, almost begging. She couldn’t stop seeing him. He meant everything to her. And she to him.
“That family is not one we want to mix up with. You don’t know what they can be like, Jillian. And I want you to stop seeing him before its too late.”
“What’s too late, dad? It’s my life. Freddie is not like his father. And you know that.”
The house loomed in the distance. Jillian could remember running around in front of it and of a time she once called the house her home. She could see the jeep her father used to drive her to school in. That meant her parents were home.
She didn’t know how they would react. What they would say when they saw her on their doorsteps after all these years. Before she rang the doorbell, the door was open and she saw her mother clutching a handkerchief to her face and crying.
Jillian’s eyes filled with tears as her mother moved aside to let her in. There was till tension between them. Jillian could see her mother looking at Anita, wanting to carry her and hold her.
“I saw you through the window”, she paused. “Oh honey, you’ve finally come back!” as she rushed to Jillian and hugged her.
Jillian cried and hugged her back. Moments later she pulled away and pulled Anita towards her.
“Mom, this is Anita, my daughter.”
Her mom looked at her surprised for a while, and then held a hand out towards Anita. Anita was reluctant and stood closer to her mom.
“It’s ok honey. This is your grandmother. Her name’s Anita, just like yours,” Jillian smiled.
Anita clutched at her mother’s jeans while her grandmother held out her hands to her.
“She doesn’t like strangers much,” Jillian explained apologetically to her mother. She sat down on her knees and held Anita and whispered to her, “She has a garden. With beautiful flowers. Do you want to see that?”
Anita reluctantly nodded her head.
“Come in, Anita. Jill, your father will be in the study. Go meet him there. Anita, would you like cupcakes?”
“Mom said you don’t make nice cookies. Are your cupcakes good?”
Jillian’s mother laughed sincerely, and it was the first time Jillian felt warm standing next to her mother.
“No, honey. I bought them from a really good bakery in town.”
Jillian walked up to the study as her mother took Anita to the kitchen, drinking in the sight of the home she grew up in. The walls were covered with frames holding photos of Jillian taken as she was growing up. One was her in her first school uniform, one of her on her fourth birthday party. One of them was of her in her cheerleader uniform, and the last one was taken on prom night. She was wearing a blue dress, hair up in a bun. Freddie’s and her arms were intertwined. And she was looking up at him. He was beaming at the camera.
Jillian started tensing up. She wasn’t sure what she’d say to her father when she was finally face-to-face with him. How would he react? She waited, her hand poised to knock the door as soon as she was ready. But she could not bring up enough courage to actually do it. She pulled back her hand, and turned around. As she started to descend the stairs, she heard the all-too-familiar creaking of the study’s door.
“I thought I sensed you out the door. Why didn’t you come in?”
Jillian turned around to face her father. She did not look him in the eyes; instead she gazed on the carpet.
“I-I thought you might be busy. I did not want to disturb you.”
“Child, look me in the eyes. You’re not seventeen anymore.”
She lifted her head, her eyes brimming with tears. She readied herself to take on the glare her father would be giving her. But what she saw, she could never have foreseen. Her father was crying; he beckoned her to come closer.
Jillian ran into her father’s arms.
“I’m sorry, dad. You were right.”
“Nonsense. Things happen.”
After finally pulling apart, her father gave a loud sigh.
“Come on, your mother bought these killer cupcakes from town. You should try them.
“Are you sure about it? I mean, you’ve properly checked?”
“You idiot! Don’t you think I would have done that already? I double-checked and triple-checked and I would know, wouldn’t I?,” she screamed in between her sobs.
“Oh God! My father’s going to kill me.”
“That’s what you’re worried about now?”
“You’ve got to get rid of it, you have to. It’s the only way.”
She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. How had Freddie become such a coward? How had he become so insensitive?
“Really? ‘It’? ‘It’ is our baby. Yours and mine. And if you’re too pathetic to come to terms with this, I guess you shouldn’t be burdened with it.”
“So, Anita, tell me. Do you like chocolate or vanilla?” asked Jillian’s mom while she was setting the table.
“I like chocolate.”
Jillian turned around slowly, “Why, mom? Are you planning to make something?”
“Don’t look at me like that, young lady! If you must know, I’ve been taking classes. And now I can make a killer chocolate cake!” beamed her mom.
“Ok, I’m not judging. It’s just that I remember what I ate years ago very well. And those are not good memories.”
“Stay, honey. Bring your stuff here. You could stay in your room,” Jillian could see the desperate longing in her mother’s eyes.
“Not yet, mom. I need to talk to you. Can we go to the park on Friday? I know Anita would love it.”
“Of course, sweetheart. Just ring me up.”
“Or mom, can you look after Anita for a while? I need to go into town for a bit.”
“Sure honey, we’ll bake the cake then, shall we Anita?”
“Thanks, mom.”
“You’ve stopped seeing that boy I’ve noticed,” announced her father after she had said the grace.
She remained silent. She was not going to do or say anything that would make this dinner go awry.
“That’s good. He’s trouble. I am glad you finally listened to me.”
No, he wasn’t trouble. He was just a coward. A lonely bastard of a coward. She was a fool not to have seen that side of him. They would never have been together. Even if the baby weren’t coming, they would just drift apart. He would marry and settle down with a girl his father chose. She was stupid not to have realized that-
“Jill? Jillian McKay?”
Startled from her train of thoughts, Jillian looked around. She was already inside the supermarket. She hadn’t noticed entering it. On the other end of the aisle she saw the person who had spoken to her.
There he was. As youthful as he looked back in high school. Something was different though. He had a rugged look about him. Older, perhaps wiser. Perhaps not the coward he was before.
“Freddie...I-I didn’t see you there,” she said avoiding looking directly into his eyes. “How have you been?”
“Jillian...you look-“he paused, not sure of what to say. “You look wonderful!”
“Ha...you were never good at lying Freddie. Say it. I know how bad I look.” She forced herself to look up and looked into his eyes. They were drawn. Like they had seen years of suffering. His eyes did not have that sparkling happy look anymore.
“I’m sorry, Jill.”
“For what Freddie? For now...or for everything else?”
There was a shattering silence between them. Time wasn’t moving quickly enough. They gad to play it out slowly. Years of sorrow and silence building up to this one moment until one of them finally broke. Jillian tried hard to make sure it wasn’t her.
“What happened...”his voice trailed off. He’s still the same old coward then, she thought.
“Her name’s Anita. She will turn five years old next January. She’s got brown hair and blue eyes. Exactly like yours.” Her voice was cold and deprived of any emotion. He will never love their daughter. She will never let him see her. Anita did not deserve to be hurt by him.
He kept silent. He wouldn’t say anything. What would he say to her? After what he did. Jillian turned around and moved to another aisle. She could feel his gaze on her back. He was hurting. Good. She wanted him to hurt.
*
The bus stop was just as she remembered it, falling to pieces and empty. Tugging her four-year old Anita in one hand while juggling her luggage in the other, Jillian made her way out of the crowded bus. The bus sped away as soon as she and Anita were safely outside, as if the place would infect the travellers on the bus with some worrisome disease if it stayed long enough.
Jillian had no phone and no way to contact anyone to come pick her up at the bus stop. So she began walking to the nearest motel she could find. Not that if she had a phone with her someone would come along if she called them.
It had been five years since Jillian was back in Mermaid Creek. She had left it as a heartbroken child promising to never look back as she left.
“Mommy, my legs hurt,” said Anita as she wriggled her little hand out of Jillian’s bigger one and stopped in the middle of the road.
Jillian put down her luggage, turned around and sat down on her knees. Her jeans would get horribly dusty and she had just one more pair, but she decided she would manage somehow.
“I know, darling. But we just have to walk a little more. If mommy didn’t have all these bags, I would have carried you. Come on, you are a sweet girl, aren’t you? Mommy will buy you an ice cream when we get there, deal?”
Anita pouted her lips, crossed her arms and looked down, “Why can’t I stay here? You go find the place, and then you can come back and carry me there.”
Jillian chuckled, “Oh honey, what if someone came and took you away? You know I won’t leave you on the road alone. Come along now.”
Jillian got up, took the luggage in one hand and walked forward, holding out her free hand as if an invitation for Anita to join. Anita ran up to her and took her hand.
“It’s not because I’m scared. I just didn’t want you to go alone.”
Jillian smiled and they kept walking.
After ten minutes of walking, Jillian saw what she expected to see, The Mermaid Creek Motel. It looked different, though; more modern and clean. Looks like someone decided to clean this place up, thought Jillian to herself.
She walked over to the reception desk and rang the bell. It took five whole minutes for someone to come to the desk.
“What can I get you today?” asked the scrawny teenage boy chewing incessantly on his chewing gum.
“A single room, please?”
“Alrighty...Here you go, room 227 on the second floor, second room on the right. Lunch, dinner and breakfast will be down here. There ain’t no room service in this here place. So come get your food when you want it. Oh and the water might be cold. Nothing much we can do about that either.”
Jillian smiled, “Could I get some help with the luggage?”
“Lady, do you see anyone else around? I got work to do.”
Jillian frowned. She handed the key and took the luggage.
“You heard the boy,” she said to Anita, “lead the way.”
As Anita and Jillian struggled up the stairs with the luggage, Jillian noticed that the boy’s eyes lingered on her a little longer than it should have. Making a note to herself to keep all doors locked at all times, she diverted her attention to Anita.
Once they got to the room, Jillian noticed that it was bright lit and neat, a complete contrast to what the place was like when she was here one night five years ago.
“Anita, go to bed. Mommy will put everything in place and come, ok?”
“Ok, mommy, good night.”
As Anita crawled under the sheets, Jillian began unpacking her two bags. There wasn’t much in the trunk, a few of her own clothes and a whole lot of Anita’s. She took the one luxury she had allowed herself for the past five years, her music player. Putting it on shuffle, she put on the headphones.
“I have to say, I never expected you to come to my party,” he said as he moved closer to Jillian.
Jillian noticed his blue eyes swimming in intrigue, and she took a few steps backward.
“Well, I had to see what all the fuss was about.”
“Wouldn’t your parents tell you off for coming to my place?”
“What has happened between them and your parents is none of our concern.”
He was still smiling. Jillian wondered why he was hanging around her and not around the other girls who were waiting to talk to him.
“So are you enjoying yourself?”
“I’ve had better times,” said Jillian and turned on her heels to get another glass of punch.
“NO,” screamed Anita startling Jillian and causing her to drop the jeans she had in her hands. Figuring she could finish the rest of the unpacking after some rest, she crawled in beside Anita and hugged her, comforting her, whispering in her ear “I’m here,” the same way he had done for her all those years ago.
Anita was up early the next day. She woke up Jillian and Jillian found herself hurrying to get ready. She got Anita to take a bath while she got her clothes ironed.
“Where are we going this early, mommy?” asked Anita as she struggled to get her t-shirt on. Jillian moved over to her and helped her out.
“We’re going to see your grandparents. My mom and dad. So you can say hi.”
“Why did we wait till now to see them? Alexis from my class goes to see her grandma every week. And her grandma makes her cookies. She brought some to class the other day. It was very tasty. Will my grandma make me cookies?”
Jillian smiled, “your grandma has never been too good in the kitchen. We’ll ask her though.” We have to see if she’ll see us first, thought Jillian silently to herself.
After applying another coating of powder to conceal the dark circles under eyes, Jillian grabbed the key; made sure everything was locked up safe and moved to the dining room with Anita.
“I better not eat much. Grandmas and grandpas make kids eat a lot. So I should save space for what they give me.”
“No, honey. I haven’t told them we’re coming. So eat. If they give you something, and you’re not up to it, just tell them. They’ll understand.” Like you always wished they would? Asked Jillian to under her breath.
After breakfast, Jillian asked the receptionist to call them a cab. When it became clear that no cab would be available, Jillian and Anita started walking in the direction of Jillian’s childhood.
“I do not want you seeing him again,” bellowed her father. His eyes were burning with something more than hatred; fear.
“Why, daddy? He didn’t do anything to me or you,” Jillian said, almost begging. She couldn’t stop seeing him. He meant everything to her. And she to him.
“That family is not one we want to mix up with. You don’t know what they can be like, Jillian. And I want you to stop seeing him before its too late.”
“What’s too late, dad? It’s my life. Freddie is not like his father. And you know that.”
The house loomed in the distance. Jillian could remember running around in front of it and of a time she once called the house her home. She could see the jeep her father used to drive her to school in. That meant her parents were home.
She didn’t know how they would react. What they would say when they saw her on their doorsteps after all these years. Before she rang the doorbell, the door was open and she saw her mother clutching a handkerchief to her face and crying.
Jillian’s eyes filled with tears as her mother moved aside to let her in. There was till tension between them. Jillian could see her mother looking at Anita, wanting to carry her and hold her.
“I saw you through the window”, she paused. “Oh honey, you’ve finally come back!” as she rushed to Jillian and hugged her.
Jillian cried and hugged her back. Moments later she pulled away and pulled Anita towards her.
“Mom, this is Anita, my daughter.”
Her mom looked at her surprised for a while, and then held a hand out towards Anita. Anita was reluctant and stood closer to her mom.
“It’s ok honey. This is your grandmother. Her name’s Anita, just like yours,” Jillian smiled.
Anita clutched at her mother’s jeans while her grandmother held out her hands to her.
“She doesn’t like strangers much,” Jillian explained apologetically to her mother. She sat down on her knees and held Anita and whispered to her, “She has a garden. With beautiful flowers. Do you want to see that?”
Anita reluctantly nodded her head.
“Come in, Anita. Jill, your father will be in the study. Go meet him there. Anita, would you like cupcakes?”
“Mom said you don’t make nice cookies. Are your cupcakes good?”
Jillian’s mother laughed sincerely, and it was the first time Jillian felt warm standing next to her mother.
“No, honey. I bought them from a really good bakery in town.”
Jillian walked up to the study as her mother took Anita to the kitchen, drinking in the sight of the home she grew up in. The walls were covered with frames holding photos of Jillian taken as she was growing up. One was her in her first school uniform, one of her on her fourth birthday party. One of them was of her in her cheerleader uniform, and the last one was taken on prom night. She was wearing a blue dress, hair up in a bun. Freddie’s and her arms were intertwined. And she was looking up at him. He was beaming at the camera.
Jillian started tensing up. She wasn’t sure what she’d say to her father when she was finally face-to-face with him. How would he react? She waited, her hand poised to knock the door as soon as she was ready. But she could not bring up enough courage to actually do it. She pulled back her hand, and turned around. As she started to descend the stairs, she heard the all-too-familiar creaking of the study’s door.
“I thought I sensed you out the door. Why didn’t you come in?”
Jillian turned around to face her father. She did not look him in the eyes; instead she gazed on the carpet.
“I-I thought you might be busy. I did not want to disturb you.”
“Child, look me in the eyes. You’re not seventeen anymore.”
She lifted her head, her eyes brimming with tears. She readied herself to take on the glare her father would be giving her. But what she saw, she could never have foreseen. Her father was crying; he beckoned her to come closer.
Jillian ran into her father’s arms.
“I’m sorry, dad. You were right.”
“Nonsense. Things happen.”
After finally pulling apart, her father gave a loud sigh.
“Come on, your mother bought these killer cupcakes from town. You should try them.
“Are you sure about it? I mean, you’ve properly checked?”
“You idiot! Don’t you think I would have done that already? I double-checked and triple-checked and I would know, wouldn’t I?,” she screamed in between her sobs.
“Oh God! My father’s going to kill me.”
“That’s what you’re worried about now?”
“You’ve got to get rid of it, you have to. It’s the only way.”
She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. How had Freddie become such a coward? How had he become so insensitive?
“Really? ‘It’? ‘It’ is our baby. Yours and mine. And if you’re too pathetic to come to terms with this, I guess you shouldn’t be burdened with it.”
“So, Anita, tell me. Do you like chocolate or vanilla?” asked Jillian’s mom while she was setting the table.
“I like chocolate.”
Jillian turned around slowly, “Why, mom? Are you planning to make something?”
“Don’t look at me like that, young lady! If you must know, I’ve been taking classes. And now I can make a killer chocolate cake!” beamed her mom.
“Ok, I’m not judging. It’s just that I remember what I ate years ago very well. And those are not good memories.”
“Stay, honey. Bring your stuff here. You could stay in your room,” Jillian could see the desperate longing in her mother’s eyes.
“Not yet, mom. I need to talk to you. Can we go to the park on Friday? I know Anita would love it.”
“Of course, sweetheart. Just ring me up.”
“Or mom, can you look after Anita for a while? I need to go into town for a bit.”
“Sure honey, we’ll bake the cake then, shall we Anita?”
“Thanks, mom.”
“You’ve stopped seeing that boy I’ve noticed,” announced her father after she had said the grace.
She remained silent. She was not going to do or say anything that would make this dinner go awry.
“That’s good. He’s trouble. I am glad you finally listened to me.”
No, he wasn’t trouble. He was just a coward. A lonely bastard of a coward. She was a fool not to have seen that side of him. They would never have been together. Even if the baby weren’t coming, they would just drift apart. He would marry and settle down with a girl his father chose. She was stupid not to have realized that-
“Jill? Jillian McKay?”
Startled from her train of thoughts, Jillian looked around. She was already inside the supermarket. She hadn’t noticed entering it. On the other end of the aisle she saw the person who had spoken to her.
There he was. As youthful as he looked back in high school. Something was different though. He had a rugged look about him. Older, perhaps wiser. Perhaps not the coward he was before.
“Freddie...I-I didn’t see you there,” she said avoiding looking directly into his eyes. “How have you been?”
“Jillian...you look-“he paused, not sure of what to say. “You look wonderful!”
“Ha...you were never good at lying Freddie. Say it. I know how bad I look.” She forced herself to look up and looked into his eyes. They were drawn. Like they had seen years of suffering. His eyes did not have that sparkling happy look anymore.
“I’m sorry, Jill.”
“For what Freddie? For now...or for everything else?”
There was a shattering silence between them. Time wasn’t moving quickly enough. They gad to play it out slowly. Years of sorrow and silence building up to this one moment until one of them finally broke. Jillian tried hard to make sure it wasn’t her.
“What happened...”his voice trailed off. He’s still the same old coward then, she thought.
“Her name’s Anita. She will turn five years old next January. She’s got brown hair and blue eyes. Exactly like yours.” Her voice was cold and deprived of any emotion. He will never love their daughter. She will never let him see her. Anita did not deserve to be hurt by him.
He kept silent. He wouldn’t say anything. What would he say to her? After what he did. Jillian turned around and moved to another aisle. She could feel his gaze on her back. He was hurting. Good. She wanted him to hurt.
*
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